A free man is one of the most terrifying things for a woman.
Because once a man becomes free,
He cannot be trained,
He cannot be moulded,
He cannot be controlled.
He cannot manipulated into who we want him to be.
You complain that your man isn’t strong enough,
Doesn’t fuck you hard enough, well enough, or frequently enough,
Isn’t strong or passionate or exciting or masculine enough.
You say you want a King who’s established and mature.
But what you aren’t getting is the very thing that would make this man all of that and more…
Is also the very thing that when it truly shows up, will threaten to completely destroy your Disney princess fantasy and christian conditioned matrimonies that are keeping it alive.
And that shit is terrifying.
A man who isn’t dependent on mummy’s love,
So starving for her nourishment and so scared of its withdrawal that he will do anything to keep it on tap.
A man who tentatively puts all his desires and needs aside for yours,
the strings of your purse tightening around his balls with every ‘yes dear.’
A free man’s integrity is more important to him than his need for your approval.
He loves you, but loves himself more.
A free man says ‘no’ when he means ‘no’ and ‘yes’ when he means ‘yes.’
And he’s 100 percent committed to living his truth and his path whether you choose to walk with him or not.
That kind of man is terrifying because it puts us women in a certain kind of position.
Where our tried and tested hooks no longer work.
No longer can we control with our feminine emotional sexual super powers and tricks that have worked on every other man since we became daddy’s girl. Those parts that know precisely all his weak spots and how to trigger, seduce, overwhelm, entice and frustrate him to get exactly what you want and keep him there.
When a man becomes free – No longer can we use him for our own sense of security, safety and holding.
And suddenly those things become our own responsibility
We are pushed into having our own discernment, to walking our own path and finding our own truth and fullness.
You want him to embrace and love your wildness, don’t you?
But what about his?
Not being in control of a man
is a terrifying fucking thing for a woman.
With memories of burnings and witch hunts in our blood, abuse, torture, control and rape in the collective memories of being a woman.
But don’t be fooled into believing we are the weaker sex by any means.
Over the years many of us have learned a far more covert style to have the upper hand.
You think patriarchy is a dangerous force of control and oppression?
So is a woman who wants a ring on it.
We’ve turned around the very thing that was created to own us – and used it to own them.
Who could say exactly?
But the fact is all of us are suffering for it.
Because man or woman – none of us are here to be owned.
To be put on a leash and given treats when we do good.
Punished when we do bad.
This isn’t about polyamory or monogamy or what is a right way of being together. But this is about examining what love really is and questioning whether the bargains and contracts and subtle power agreements are really that.
Its a difficult dichotomy to get a handle of, I know.
Because there is a part in all of us that really does enjoy being given everything we want.
the little girl
She doesn’t want to hear ‘no.’
She wants it all her way
ALL THE TIME.
But there is a big sacrifice to pay if you let her run the show.
And that is the emasculation of your man and the death of your woman.
A real man does not get a hard for little girls,
just as we do not get wet for little boys.
Yet somehow we continually turn each other into just that and then wonder about why the spark has gone.
And the most terrifying thing about a free man is also the most beautiful and liberating.
because to receive the love of a free man is one of the most nourishing, awe inspiring, powerful, special things you will ever receive
because when he is with you, you know it’s because he really fucking wants to be there.
When he chooses you, you know it’s because from every part of his being that this is his truth.
Not because you worked on him to do so.
Not because of conditioning or fear or signed rules of engagement.
Because you surrendered to allowing him to be exactly as he is and the true love that has the potential to flower from there is magnificent.
Because you can truly meet and receive who he really is, rather than a watered down compromised version of him that came forth because you pouted your lip in just the right way and he caved.
Because secretly the man you really want,
The perfect guy that you so totally ‘deserve’
Is the one who won’t always make you happy.
He is going to challenge you,
and he’s not always going to please you.
And fuck you’d hope he wouldn’t
because your happiness is not his job,