Why A Free Man Is The Most Terrifying Thing For A Woman

A free man is one of the most terrifying things for a woman.

Because once a man becomes free,

He cannot be trained,
He cannot be moulded,
He cannot be controlled.

He cannot manipulated into who we want him to be.

You complain that your man isn’t strong enough,
Doesn’t fuck you hard enough, well enough, or frequently enough,
Isn’t strong or passionate or exciting or masculine enough.
You say you want a King who’s established and mature.

But what you aren’t getting is the very thing that would make this man all of that and more…

Is also the very thing that when it truly shows up, will threaten to completely destroy your Disney princess fantasy and christian conditioned matrimonies that are keeping it alive.

And that shit is terrifying.

A man who isn’t dependent on mummy’s love,
So starving for her nourishment and so scared of its withdrawal that he will do anything to keep it on tap.
A man who tentatively puts all his desires and needs aside for yours,
the strings of your purse tightening around his balls with every ‘yes dear.’

A free man’s integrity is more important to him than his need for your approval.
He loves you, but loves himself more.
A free man says ‘no’ when he means ‘no’ and ‘yes’ when he means ‘yes.’
And he’s 100 percent committed to living his truth and his path whether you choose to walk with him or not.

That kind of man is terrifying because it puts us women in a certain kind of position.

Where our tried and tested hooks no longer work.

No longer can we control with our feminine emotional sexual super powers and tricks that have worked on every other man since we became daddy’s girl. Those parts that know precisely all his weak spots and how to trigger, seduce, overwhelm, entice and frustrate him to get exactly what you want and keep him there.

When a man becomes free – No longer can we use him for our own sense of security, safety and holding.

And suddenly those things become our own responsibility
We are pushed into having our own discernment, to walking our own path and finding our own truth and fullness.

You want him to embrace and love your wildness, don’t you?

But what about his?

Not being in control of a man
is a terrifying fucking thing for a woman.
With memories of burnings and witch hunts in our blood, abuse, torture, control and rape in the collective memories of being a woman.

But don’t be fooled into believing we are the weaker sex by any means.

Over the years many of us have learned a far more covert style to have the upper hand.

You think patriarchy is a dangerous force of control and oppression?

So is a woman who wants a ring on it.

We’ve turned around the very thing that was created to own us – and used it to own them.

Payback, perhaps.

Who could say exactly?

But the fact is all of us are suffering for it.

Because man or woman – none of us are here to be owned.
To be put on a leash and given treats when we do good.
Punished when we do bad.

This isn’t about polyamory or monogamy or what is a right way of being together. But this is about examining what love really is and questioning whether the bargains and contracts and subtle power agreements are really that.

Its a difficult dichotomy to get a handle of, I know.

Because there is a part in all of us that really does enjoy being given everything we want.

the princess
the brat
the little girl

She doesn’t want to hear ‘no.’
EVER.

She wants it all her way
ALL THE TIME.

But there is a big sacrifice to pay if you let her run the show.

And that is the emasculation of your man and the death of your woman.

A real man does not get a hard for little girls,
just as we do not get wet for little boys.

Yet somehow we continually turn each other into just that and then wonder about why the spark has gone.

And the most terrifying thing about a free man is also the most beautiful and liberating.

because to receive the love of a free man is one of the most nourishing, awe inspiring, powerful, special things you will ever receive

because when he is with you, you know it’s because he really fucking wants to be there.

When he chooses you, you know it’s because from every part of his being that this is his truth.

Not because you worked on him to do so.

Not because of conditioning or fear or signed rules of engagement.

Because you surrendered to allowing him to be exactly as he is and the true love that has the potential to flower from there is magnificent.

Because you can truly meet and receive who he really is, rather than a watered down compromised version of him that came forth because you pouted your lip in just the right way and he caved.

Because secretly the man you really want,

The perfect guy that you so totally ‘deserve’

Is the one who won’t always make you happy.
He is going to challenge you,
scare you,
and he’s not always going to please you.
And fuck you’d hope he wouldn’t

because your happiness is not his job,

its yours.

Community, Suicide & What it Means to Love

What do you value the most?

You’ll know by looking at what or who you spend most of your time cultivating and putting energy into. For me, in the past it’s definitely been my purpose, my business, my personal development, my finances, and my to do list.  There has been a general sense of striving, getting shit done, and fending for myself.

Something began to shift recently and I started to recognize that actually none of that stuff really matters if we don’t have a deep cultivation of relationships, friendships, memories, and the nourishment that comes from connection with others.

And so I started to put my connections with others first.

On our most primal level, we are pack animals that needs each other. The lone wolf story is an avoidant pattern from trauma of being close and can show up in many dogmas – spiritual sovreignty dogma, I’m too busy dogma, I need to be free dogma, people don’t understand me dogma, etc., etc., etc.

I’ve run all of those. I’ve run them a lot. I’ve run and run from friends who wanted to love me, projects and communities that wanted to hold me. I’ve abandoned ship when things got too familiar, when more was required of me, when more of me would be revealed, or shit got rough and real and close up.

I haven’t been completely alone, mind you.

I’ve usually had one person who I felt really safe with – generally a partner or close friend – and they’d become my only lifeline and me theirs. Co-dependent, unhealthy dynamics would ensue because it is a very sick thing to have only one person who really knows the ins and outs of you, like all of you – including the yucky and not pretty parts – to only have one person who knows what’s going on in your life on a day by day basis and not just a random once a month catch up where you have lunch give them the cliffs notes and then be on your way until the next ‘catch up’.

WE ARE INFINITELY COMPLEX BEINGS with deep emotional needs of being seen and deep physical needs of being held. To bypass this shit or put it all on one being is to bypass our most primal instincts.

The destruction and death of the nuclear family as being our main source of fulfillment of those needs is evident in the high level of divorce rate, unhappy marriages, and broken families happening today.

I don’t think we have yet come to a new solution of how to be close and in community and how to do this well.

When shit hits the fan and natural disasters – zombies take over the planet or a second ice age begins – are you really going to give a fuck about your to do list and achievements? Do we really have to have it get to that point to recognize whats really important? Do we have to have a personal or global crisis before we realize what matters?

I’m not saying we have to forget all our personal desires either. We can’t ignore our basic survival needs as well as having an individual purpose and a drive to give to the world and a need for our own individual identity development. But the illusion I think many of us have taken on from a personal focused society is that at the end of the day, all you’ve got is yourself and this kind of ME or ‘I’ way of being is strong and misses out on a huge level of nourishment and power available when we band together and commit to each other.

A beautiful woman, Suzy, who was part of the dancing eros community and MANY other spiritual, sexual, personal development communities, decided to take her own life this week.

It hit me hard and gave me another level of confirmation of what I have been sensing and integrating so strongly this month.

WE ARE DOING IT WRONG.

Mental illness is a byproduct of being in an environment that does not know how to be with trauma and the emotional depth of a person and a result of an isolated emotionally low IQ disconnected society that does not have the resources to deal with people manifesting shadows. I know people get fucking triggered when I say that, especially if they’ve had their lives touched by suicide and mental illness – but I stand by my belief on this. HOW WE ARE SEEN AND RESPONDED TO CREATES OUR REALITY – THE FRAMEWORK THAT WE VIEW OUR EMOTIONAL, VISCERAL EXPERIENCES AFFECTS WHAT THEY DO TO US.

It is still possible to be surrounded by people and be completely alone if they don’t have the capacity to really feel us and we don’t have the capacity to reveal ourselves either.

I’ve watched people in eros spaces have deep dark and scary visions come up that completely freaked them out, turned them white and made them terrified for their sanity. When I sat down with them and shared basic Jungian principles about the nature of the psyche, shadow and dark nights of the soul, they instantly transformed in front of me into a state of peace and even a sense of being blessed and honoured to feel so deeply.

That is the power of having education, having resources, and being surrounded by people who can hold you and get you love you and not respond in fear to anything that shows up.

I remember after my stint in the mental health system as both a client with psychosis and supposed bi polar (sent that label right back to where it came from, thank you very much) and then working on the other side, handing people pills every morning and night and working alongside relatively emotionally and spiritually shut down support workers, I vowed that one day when I was a millionaire I would pour heaps of money into some kind of offering that had the potential to transform this system that was failing us.

I realized yesterday that I’ve actually already created something that has that potential.

Suicide only happens because we are fucking isolated and we can’t feel each other, because we aren’t with each other every day and accepting without pathologising everything that comes up, supporting each other. I’m aware this is a utopian dream right now and it is an extremely complex issue that requires a huge amount of clean up, but I stand by what I’m saying and truly believe that the quicker that we acknowledge what we all actually need as humans that we are not providing for each other, the faster we can actually make it happen and make the change.

So back to Suzy – who was an angel and is still an angel and her death is not going to fade into the background for me – it has put another level of fire and passion and energy under my ass for what I have created and what is still massively lacking.

Suzy was part of SO MANY communities that teach the very tools that I am speaking about – the emotional holding, depth, acceptance of all feelings as worthy of love and holding – but what all these communities don’t provide is regular ongoing connection and support – physical contact and holding and an actual sense of family and community that is TANGIBLE.

Not just a Facebook group where we like each others posts, not just random sporadic events, festivals or experiences where we all get loved up and open and then go back to our lives alone.

We all failed Suzy.

I don’t say this to guilt or shame myself or anyone else – I have absolutely none of that in my system around her journey and I know it is all absolutely perfect as it is and I love her so much and all of us for where we are right now.

But I still have the acknowledgement as a leader of the eros community and all conscious communities that claim to have loved Suzy, that we have failed her.

LOVE is not love unless it is actually in action that makes it real and tangible and here in the now real world shit.

I was in the middle of a Dancing Eros business planning meeting for 2017 – we were literally right in the middle of a discussion about sisterhood and needing to nourish our current community on a whole other level rather than focusing on expanding – when I got the news of Suzys death.

If that wasn’t a sign or extra push from the universe that we are onto something, I don’t know what is!  Suzy’s passing made that decision of focus a whole lot more real for me – not just a smart business move, but a life or death situation act of love that something needs to change RIGHT NOW in how we are loving and serving each other.

I’m not interested in a simplistic statement like ‘oh she was mentally ill’ so we can make ourselves feel better about not being there. Or about some spiritually fluffy bullshit about how ‘their soul is choosing peace now because they were too beautiful for this cruel world’ so we can feel ok and keep doing our thing.

Suicide rates and mental illness are rising. Facebook and social media interactions are as well.

It’s not a coincidence.

This can all be stopped with these three things things:

-Being surrounded by people with a high emotional IQ who can literally accept and love all feelings and expressions without fear or judgement. 
– Providing space for ongoing regular IN PERSON community/family connection with people mentioned above.
-Having access to the resources, frameworks and tools to heal our trauma and shit and understand how to work with it.

I have big big visions here of what I am feeling called to create community wise.

But we can all start now, really.

– when someone pops into your head – call them.
– take action with those you love – make time for each other regularly.
– focus on nourishing what you have within your current community or business rather than expanding out. (the expansion will naturally happen)
– Drop your ‘too busy’ ‘too sovereign’ ‘too unique’ stories and accept your need to be in a pack.
– work on your own shit – heal your past traumas that block your ability to love, hold and accept yourself in all your expressions and feelings so that you can then naturally provide that to people around you.
– make loved ones a priority.

LOVE EACH OTHER IN THE REAL WORLD, PEOPLE.

We need each other!

Why I Dance Every Day

I’ve been making it a practice to dance every day, whether it’s in my bedroom, or out at a gig, or club, or party. Dancing brings aliveness to my body – it helps me get unstuck from my rigid overthinking and gets me into my flow and my feeling.

My dancing is for me – it’s to open my body and let go, dancing for pleasure and play, feeling and freedom. Sometimes it’s slow and soft, nurturing and emotional. Sometimes it’s sexy and wild and dark as fuck – depending on how I’m feeling.

I often film sections of my dance as well – then I watch it back, loving and appreciating myself yes, but also noticing where I’m still holding back, controlling my body and losing presence.

Just taking it in – not being critical – but just noticing and learning about myself. Because the body DOES NOT LIE. It is the reflection of the psyche inside. How flowing, free open and fluid our body is is how open and flowing and free and fluid our emotional and mental self is. As Shakira says – your hips don’t lie – neither do your breasts, or your arms, or your legs, or hands, or face – your movements are expressing how open you are.

That’s why I’m so passionate about dance, and particularly non choreographed erotic dance (@dancing eros) as a medium for opening your body beyond shame and judgement and fear about your full emotional, sensual and sexual range of expression.

This is in a little section of the dancing eros book that is in the process of being edited and cleaned up right now. (Anyone know a good printer who prints oracle cards!?)

“Our body parts hold our memories, our stories, our fears and our desires. When we let go and dance – when we follow pleasure, when we come back to the naturalness of how our body wants to move rather than how it’s been taught to move, we can let go bit by bit of the prison of our conditioning.

So put on some music – and dance. Touch your body. Roll your hips like you’re making love to yourself. Stroke your hair. Let your body flow, open and unravel the stiffness and rigidity that can come so quickly in a world that is so shutdown from feeling.

Dance for your pleasure, not for anyone else’s. Dance not to turn anyone on or to impress or tempt, or to get it right, or to compete or get the perfect score.

Dance for YOURSELF – to unleash, uncover, and discover freedom in your flow.

 

Leaky Sexual Energy

I’ve been pondering leaky sexual energy a lot lately.

The how and why of my own leaks and the leaks of others.

For anyone who’s ever been around the spiritual/tantra worlds you have likely experienced what I mean.

Gurus with no professional boundaries. Healers who hold that hug just a few seconds too long. That feeling of playing with another person’s (or multiple persons’) energy field in a way that feels hooky, dirty, manipulative or just ‘off’.

Yes ‘we are all one’ and ‘it’s all love’ on the highest level, but we are also individual humans with very real boundaries, roles and hierarchies of power.

I’ve been recognising lately that the whole leaky energy thing essentially comes from a lack of integration between the human self and the spiritual self.

A person sloshing all over the place has often developed and matured their consciousness and energetic ability, but hasn’t done half the work on their egoic, personal, psychological wounds.

No matter how many asanas, healing practices, energy orgasms, or meditations we have done, our smallest, youngest self is still the one running our most primal behaviour.

Being an energetic, magical, orgasmic powerhouse does not mean we do not have an inner child that if left unattended causing havoc in our life and running the show.

When we have an inner child/teenager that is wounded and has its own unmet needs for validation/attention/significance/love, and ALSO have this highly developed spiritual consciousness and power running through all those patterns – We basically get a damaged little kid with a powerful book of spells making a big fat mess.

The process of learning how to have a healthy relationship to your sexual energy and life force power where you can choose when to express and when to contain is the process of healing your undealt with childhood stuff so you can be clear that your expression is moving through an integrated and essentially clear vessel.

When the powerful voice of Oz and the man/boy woman/little girl behind the curtain become one and the same, you get an air tight container where you are completely clean and clear in the flow of your juice. Others will trust you and feel safe around you and you can trust your desires and intentions are in full integrity – and no more leaks!

If you desire to connect more with your inner child AS WELL as have stronger boundaries when you come across those with leaks – I’ll be covering that in my new online program for womens power starting soon! Subscribe to hear about that when it’s out!

The Art of Decision Making

There is a really a fine art to decision making – being able to discern when to say yes and jump right in to stuff and and when to stay right where you are, say no and wait.

What I notice is often each of us will have a tendency to be at one side of the spectrum more than the other.

We either are jump right in people and experience high levels of stress and catch up energy – or we are more on the cautious side and don’t really feel like we are living our potential.

Ive definitely got a track record of being very good at jumping in and expanding fast, not waiting to be ‘ready’ or ‘perfect,’ but knowing that when you leap the net will appear – I’ve done a lot of leaping!

It’s definitely brought me many gifts and allowed me to do and be and have and create amazing things, but I’ve experienced the shadows too – burnout, stress and crazy overwhelm to name few.

Having the courage to say yes when we aren’t sure if we are ready is the necessary fire energy required to start something new, get out of the comfort zone, and move beyond the fears and resistance that can come up in any kind of expansion. I’m starting to see that all my burnouts were gifts that showed me my boundaries and I wouldn’t change a thing.

However I’ve found over the last year erring on the side of caution and waiting and stabilising when another part of me wants to just jump has been hugely powerful. It’s been powerful to practice patience, to have the humility to stay small, to have the trust to say no and wait for the next round of opportunities.

I got to practice this recently.

Myself and some other women had been visioning a woman’s co-working space here in Byron Bay. (I thought the uproar about the male only co-working space was kind of ridiculous to be honest – I received no such uproar when I announced a women’s only one?!)

Anyway, a few weeks ago we stumbled across the perfect space that had everything we could have wanted – separate rooms, lots of light, outdoor grassy area, even purple doors for god sakes! It was magical how it showed up and I was so excited about it! So, we went about making it happen.

However a few days before we were going to sign the lease, I started to come down a bit and really look at it – I started to look at where we really are right now as a business – financially, as a team – where we are in our growth. And as much as we’ve been around for awhile and things are going really well – we are still a young company and taking on a massive office lease would be a big jump up for us.

I asked myself – Okay, is this resistance to going up a level professionally or is it a healthy caution?

My answer was in my body and the truth was – I wasn’t really in my body they days leading up to the decision at all!

Sure I was excited, but I was also scattered and all over the place. I felt inspired by the possibility and that we had attracted our vision, yet at the same time stressed in my nervous system with the pressure of how much would be required of us to pull it all off. I felt that old burnout shadow peeping her face around the corner, rubbing her hands in preparation..

Then I realised, this was my moment to find power in the other side – to say no, to send it back, to wait and trust that there will be other offices, other perfect places. This was my opportunity to find the gifts in being sensible, practical, and realistic.

In a way, I think I’ve seen so many people in the shadow side of being realistic (never taking chances, unfulfilled dreams, settling for less, etc), that I’ve rejected some of its gifts.

So, we said no to the perfect office… for now.

And you know what?

It feels great!

We’ve created our own sweet little home office on the deck and today we did our Monday morning meeting in there and it was awesome, easy, and relaxing.

That spectrum is such a valuable one to master.

From being sensible to taking a risk. From ‘fuck yes’ to ‘sorry, not this time.’ From jumping right in to taking a healthy step back.

There is a shadow and a light in all ways of being. All are valid ways of creating, expressing and deciding in the world and really if we want to be completely integrated, we need to know and experience the power in both.

I’m starting to feel I’m getting the hang of it.

How are you going?

 

Feel The Feels

I have so much respect for the brightest, shiniest, big hearted loving people because I absolutely without a doubt know they have gone to the depths of their darkness too.

This morning I’m feeling vulnerable. I am facing and feeling parts of myself that aren’t exactly pleasant. I’m allowing myself to fully acknowledge the pain I have caused myself and others in various ways. I’m not beating myself up for these ‘mistakes’ but forgiving, holding and loving myself through it and letting it crack me open into a deeper love of my humanness and imperfections and this life journey.

Running away from the dark shit is running away from the fullness of your love and the light that is possible in you too.

I see it happen all the time for the women who come to Dancing Eros. This attachment to the good feels.

“But I thought I was coming to an erotic dance course for pleasure why can’t I stop crying!?’

But then when they just accept, and let it out, they cry and cry and allow themselves to feel their deepest suffering. Suddenly their eyes sparkle, they look 10 years younger and this deep love and depth starts to reveal and be felt in them.

You can’t bypass that shit.

Well you can try – but you will ultimately always feel this disconnect from yourself and others that isn’t really going to satisfy or fulfil you.

Every person I have ever met who inspires me with their real bliss has had the courage to face the full on shit as well.

I remind myself of this, when I am feeling really vulnerable.

I know I am just alive and growing – polishing and deepening my heart into more love.

Because you cannot emanate real radiance if you have not felt the depth of your pain.

Being In Integrity With Yourself

How do you know you are in full integrity with yourself?

Integrity – meaning your body, mind, heart, sex, spirit etc are all aligned with each other and on the same page (i.e you’re not denying one aspect of yourself to fulfil the needs of another)

One way that has become very clear to me (this is for the women) is the emotional symptoms I experience before my period. – i.e PMS

I have experienced A LOT of bad PMS symptoms in the past – the time before my period being a full on emotional, terrible time (for me and everyone around me!) That intense, imbalanced PMS state was showing me there was stuff for me to deal with to get all parts of me in alignment.

Being a raging bitch before you bleed can be just put down to hormones – but my experience is there is much more to it than that.

The time before we bleed is when the unconscious is starting to rise to the surface – the veil between our mind and our emotional body becomes thinner and the shit we haven’t dealt with or faced within ourselves and our lives comes to the surface in an extreme form of crazy ‘irrational’ thoughts, emotions, etc.

I am about to bleed and I can feel AMAZING – Rather than waking up hating the world and being a crazy bitch – I feel emotionally deep, creative and powerful. I can feel life energy pumping through me. I made my breakfast this morning with this track on repeat crying and crying, feeling the beauty and perfection of existence in all its chaos and pain and bliss and stillness. (P.S There was a time when songs like this made me fucking spew because I was so rejecting my devotional self!)

This IS possible for you!

We should NOT be feeling like a fucking crazy person and experiencing emotional or physical pain before our period – this is some part of ourself screaming out trying to let us know we are off.

I’m really passionate connecting to and working with your menstrual cycle on a really deep level and this topic is going to be one of the modules I’m going to cover on this new online program I’m creating (it will come out around the same time as dancing eros online), which is essentially a program where I share all the foundational practices, mindsets, and resources that I have collected over the years to feel now like I am really in my grounded, embodied power as a woman. I’m going to be bringing in different experts from different fields and it’s going to AMAZING! – Let me know if you’re keen to find out more and I’ll keep you posted with more info soon.

The Fucked Up Things We Do In Relationships


I have learned the hard way how fucked up these all are:
– Rely on our partner to fulfill ALL of our sexual/romantic/intimate needs without taking the time to fill ourselves just as regularly. (i.e; self pleasure, solo dates and time away, romancing ourselves, social connections without them there)
– Rely on our partner as the main source of our emotional support (i.e; shit hits the fan in your life and they are the one who you always call – rather than widening your support network to include others)
– Have your partner be the only person of that gender who you really allow yourself to connect with and feel supported by (i.e; suddenly all your really solid man/woman friends drop away and your partner is left holding the whole responsibility for that gender’s presence in your life)

What a huge fucking pressure to place on one dynamic and person!

I feel like I’m purging out all my codependent shit right now. Some of it really hurts, and ALL OF IT it is so freaking good for me. I feel like I am holding myself on a whole new level.

So, I’m taking myself on a date tonight to watch a romantic movie. I’m going to dress up, buy myself popcorn and hold myself when I sob (I already cried watching the trailer.)

Whether you are single or in a relationship – please do not ever stop romancing, pleasuring and taking the time to love the fuck out of yourself so you and your partner (or future partner) can then come together from a place of really wanting rather than needing.
Don’t fall for the Hallmark, Disney shit.
Stay alert and awake in love.
Spread your emotional self around, let yourself be held and supported by many.
Don’t give up on your life, your passions, your independence, and the spark that brought you together in the first place.
I know the merge feels so good, but don’t stay there too long or you’ll both wake up one day going, “Where the fuck am I?!”

I Want You To Know Your Life Is Fucking Magic

I think one of the biggest things I live by and want everyone to know is that no matter what is happening to you or has happened to you in the past – I can absolutely 100 percent guarantee you that your life is absolute fucking magic and poetry. That in every moment that has and will happen you are constantly being deeply served.
 
When I had my psychosis 6 years ago I was initiated into this big time. I was totally cracked open after doing a lot of spiritual work way too fast, went down the altered state rabbit hole and amongst a whole bunch of weird and dark shit that was my psyche trying to process and integrate a lot of undealt with stuff, I also experienced the full on interconnectedness of all things for months on end, 24/7.
 
I experienced a level of crystal clear awareness of the magic of reality – that every relationship, every word spoken, every physical occurrence that manifested in front of my eyes was intrinsically linked. Literally NOTHING was seperate, nothing was a coincidence, nothing just ‘happened’ to us or was seperate to us. I was able to clearly see ALL THE PATTERNS within the seeming chaos of every moment, this ridiculously meaningful and so fucking symbolic “couldn’t have made this shit up if I tried” co-creation we were all doing was fully exposed to me. I could see how we were all playing these weird intimately linked games with each others patterns, compatible and incompatible frequencies playing out their karmic journey with each other in sometimes extremely subtle and also not so subtle ways.
 
From that experience I was 100 percent convinced that there is a web that connects all of us that cannot be segmented into good and bad, us and them, you and me or even this and that – I experienced that every single fucking moment and object in time that that has ever and will ever be is connected and inseparable to everything else.

I think part of me had known this all along. I remember when I was a little girl and something had gone ‘wrong’ in my day. I would lay in bed that night and ask myself

“whose fault was this?”

And then I would trace the turn of events back through the day then back through history, all the way back through all the births of every person and ancestor who was part of that occurrence, and then right back to the beginning of time and space itself until there was no one to blame but the universe.. and then I’d fall asleep!

I think it was my little souls version of counting sheep and purifying the ego at the same time.

“Instead of judging what is, he accepts it and then comes into conscious alignment with highest order. there are no random events, nor are there events or things that exist by and for themselves in isolation. If you wanted to trace back the cause of my event you would have to go back all the way to the beginning of creation. ” – Eckart tolle

I’ve known people who believe this is no meaning to life – that we are all just here and then we die and that’s that. That there is no higher force or connective consciousness power going on that we are basically just sacks or meat, blood, bone and brain chemicals walking around bumping into each other – and I just don’t buy it. My spiritual connection to life is not from a book, is not because a guru told me that ‘everything is connected’ and ‘we are all one’ it’s because I have lived that and felt that and I ABSOLUTELY KNOW it to be true and I really want everyone to know that.
And the thing is, even if you have not yet had a visceral experience of the spiritual connectedness of all this, this way of seeing the world is essentially also just a belief system that we can install and cultivate within ourselves that brings a level of surrender and empowerment that I don’t believe anything else can.
 
Committing to the belief system, that nothing is a coincidence, that nothing ever just happens to you, that nothing is seperate from anything else – that how we do one thing is how we do everything, how all of it is connected – is I believe the most empowering way to be in the world. It makes us wake up to the richness of our experience, to own about our part to play in every interaction and situation, it calls us to surrender to life, to see the magic manifesting in every moment. To know that even when shit fucking hits the fan and hurts like hell that life has SO MUCH LOVE FOR YOU and that love is sometimes a deep long kiss and sometimes a hard slap in the face.
 
This belief system and way of seeing the world essentially wipes out our ability to be a victim and puts us very quickly into a state of grace.
 
For me I am still a human and no way mastering this state constantly. I still have moments when I lose my shit when I blame or project or resist what is happening – however because of this belief that is essentially my religion that anchors me and the frame I view the world through – that space of resistance and blame or separation – It rarely lasts long, because there is a part of me that is far stronger, a part of me that knows that everything is happening for a reason – some of those reasons I can see right now, some will reveal themselves many years later – some maybe never. But no matter what, what I can rely on is that nothing is just some random shitty coincidence but ALWAYS a magical as fuck manifestation of divine consciousness moving through the physical form bringing me and everyone on this planet into deeper alignment and vibration for the highest good.
 
I want you to know that EVERY MOMENT no matter how horrific or painful is weaving this crazy magical tapestry of life that you cannot control or even sometimes fully understand your place within it – that 80 percent of the iceberg is under the fucking water and that shit goes deep.
 
But no matter how bad things have been or are, no matter how intense or challenging that the ability to be open to what life is so poetically presenting and reflecting back to you is all you really need. Stop fighting life and let it humble you. Let it delight you and move you, make you laugh and cry at the same time at the irony of it all. Or at the very least, hold onto a deep trust of the process and surrender into the knowing that more will always be revealed and you can be guaranteed that this too is love.
 
I’m going through epic shit right now. I reckon its safe to say I’m hitting the peak of the biggest internal shifts of my life thus far in what is being uncovered, faced, felt and dealt with within me. To be honest its really painful and pretty intense – HOWEVER – within all of it I am only being strengthened in my trust of the magic and poetry of life and how deeply I am being given exactly what I need – through the shit and pain is a richness and meaning that will never ever leave.
 
Life is not all rainbows, it never will be – but this frame is one I want everyone to look through because your life really is so fucking magical.

Sensitivity, Boundaries and Saying No With Love.

I am a very sensitive person which comes with both its gifts and its challenges.

Gift wise – I am tuned in as fuck and extremely sensitive to what is going on for people. I can literally feel and identify often very accurately a persons patterns within a few minutes of talking with them and it makes me a kick ass facilitator and coach because I can really get real with people.

The struggle is, I’ve really had to learn how to live gracefully in a world that often feels really harsh. This harshness I experience is because so many of us are so disconnected from what we are feeling and so we walk around emotionally and energetically stabbing each others soft underbellies without even knowing it. Yes at a core level we are all actually deeply tuned in, sensitive and psychically aware of each other, but because many of us at some point chose to disassociate from ourselves because someone else stabbed our underbelly with their own disconnection because someone stabbed them…the cycle of harsh shutdown relating continues.

Often as we open up and more and more, we can find ways of connecting and relating that were perfectly acceptable before suddenly become really painful – that sarcastic comment or jab cant be laughed off or brushed away like it used to because now you can really FEEL it and it hurts.

There are two things you can do in this moment when you can feel someone acting in a way that is stabbing to the heart.

1. if you value the friendship and connection – communicate with that person. the instinctual (and healthy desire) when someone hurts our heart is to close down to them – but there is SO much healing and power when we can communicate with that person about our experience vulnerably – you then both have the opportunity to go deeper and your connection becomes richer, deeper, realer and more loving through naming it.

2. If you just met this person OR you have tried step 1 a number of times and nothing changed – just stop relating with them! Be like the MTV show ‘NEXT’ and send that person back on the bus. Seriously, boundaries are LOVE. It is not unloving to say no to some people and yes to others, it is not unloving to be discerning about what you allow into your space to relate with.

yes everything is a mirror and a reflection of you ( i really believe that) but doesn’t mean you keep looking into a dirty ass mirror when you could just clean the thing! protecting your sensitivity is so important.

As much as I am very open, share a lot and frequently advocate vulnerability I am also equally as protective about who I get really close with, (i.e deep friendship, living situation, relationship) and to be honest my vulnerability and sensitivity is actually one of the best ways I decide who to say yes and no to in my life, because I wear my heart on my sleeve and am so tuned I can very quickly see who respects my heart and who doesn’t and act accordingly.

I say yes to people who are really clean and connected emotionally and energetically so I can fully relax into myself. I choose to always try to name stuff when it hurts if I value a connection, I too have stabbed underbellies before to protect myself, but the journey of life is to really learn that balance of when its healthy to choose to close and say no or when there is a gift to open up and say yes.

Discernment is key. Both are good and equally loving.

As danielle laporte says,

‘soft squishy heart, big fucking fence”