Thank you for loving me.
When you are stroking and caressing me and I am purring.
When you are kicking the living shit out of me and I am bruised, beaten and hurting.
When you are bringing me more pleasure and joy than I think is possible.
When you are threatening to destroy and dismantle everything that I hold close.
THANK YOU for loving me.
When I’m abandoned and when I’m welcomed. When I am terrified and when I am unstoppable. When I am deeply seen and when I am painfully ignored.
Every. single. moment.
Thank you for your love.
I know I’ve been ferociously fighting you for so long.
Fists clenched at eye height, taking you on.
I’ve been resisting you, manipulating you,
controlling you (at least attempting too!)
Protecting myself from the scary unknown of you.
Desperately scrambling for a way out.
Scanning constantly for the eject button.
White knuckles clinging to your edges in panic.
Terrified to really rest back, to let go and fall into you.
But STILL you go on loving.
No matter how much I try to resist. Still you go on weaving me into your own web of ecstatic, traumatic poetry.
Like I’m piece of silken thread being looped through one portal to the next by you. Lifetimes, generations, realms and realities layering and linking me to this exquisite tapestry of existence.
No matter how much I try to plan or schedule every detail of you in my mind. Still you go on creating the most epic movie I couldn’t have made up if I had tried.
Unexpected plot lines, archetypal characters, tragedies, failures, comedy, horror, uprisings of the most creative, intricate genius.
Proving to me, my very small role to play in a much bigger story and I don’t even know the half of it.
Convincing me I should really just breathe, sit back and enjoy the show.
Thank you for loving me.
No matter how I try to assure myself I’m in control. Still you go on spinning the stars.
Like people are planets and places are pockets of the universe. Orbiting around each other, pulled by magnetic fields and cosmic rotations beyond our minds contemplations.
Confirming without a doubt that this interconnected cosmic soup of reality is your orchestration.
And I am but a twinkle in this magnificent constellation.
Thank you for RELENTLESSLY loving me.
And I know now for this love to be really next level, you need my cooperation.
Because if I trust you this can actually be a collaboration rather than a battle.
To know in my bones that everything you give me is a gift.
To sign off on every parcel and package of love you deliver.
To open to receive each of them fully.
The painful gifts
The sweet gifts
The scary gifts
The tender gifts
The bliss and the shit gifts.
All of them.
Thank you so much for persisting.
Even with how fucking hard I’ve been pushing and resisting.
You’ve shown me more than enough times now, that you have got me.
And so, Life.
I love you too.
I trust you.
And I’m in