Sensitivity, Boundaries and Saying No With Love.

I am a very sensitive person which comes with both its gifts and its challenges.

Gift wise – I am tuned in as fuck and extremely sensitive to what is going on for people. I can literally feel and identify often very accurately a persons patterns within a few minutes of talking with them and it makes me a kick ass facilitator and coach because I can really get real with people.

The struggle is, I’ve really had to learn how to live gracefully in a world that often feels really harsh. This harshness I experience is because so many of us are so disconnected from what we are feeling and so we walk around emotionally and energetically stabbing each others soft underbellies without even knowing it. Yes at a core level we are all actually deeply tuned in, sensitive and psychically aware of each other, but because many of us at some point chose to disassociate from ourselves because someone else stabbed our underbelly with their own disconnection because someone stabbed them…the cycle of harsh shutdown relating continues.

Often as we open up and more and more, we can find ways of connecting and relating that were perfectly acceptable before suddenly become really painful – that sarcastic comment or jab cant be laughed off or brushed away like it used to because now you can really FEEL it and it hurts.

There are two things you can do in this moment when you can feel someone acting in a way that is stabbing to the heart.

1. if you value the friendship and connection – communicate with that person. the instinctual (and healthy desire) when someone hurts our heart is to close down to them – but there is SO much healing and power when we can communicate with that person about our experience vulnerably – you then both have the opportunity to go deeper and your connection becomes richer, deeper, realer and more loving through naming it.

2. If you just met this person OR you have tried step 1 a number of times and nothing changed – just stop relating with them! Be like the MTV show ‘NEXT’ and send that person back on the bus. Seriously, boundaries are LOVE. It is not unloving to say no to some people and yes to others, it is not unloving to be discerning about what you allow into your space to relate with.

yes everything is a mirror and a reflection of you ( i really believe that) but doesn’t mean you keep looking into a dirty ass mirror when you could just clean the thing! protecting your sensitivity is so important.

As much as I am very open, share a lot and frequently advocate vulnerability I am also equally as protective about who I get really close with, (i.e deep friendship, living situation, relationship) and to be honest my vulnerability and sensitivity is actually one of the best ways I decide who to say yes and no to in my life, because I wear my heart on my sleeve and am so tuned I can very quickly see who respects my heart and who doesn’t and act accordingly.

I say yes to people who are really clean and connected emotionally and energetically so I can fully relax into myself. I choose to always try to name stuff when it hurts if I value a connection, I too have stabbed underbellies before to protect myself, but the journey of life is to really learn that balance of when its healthy to choose to close and say no or when there is a gift to open up and say yes.

Discernment is key. Both are good and equally loving.

As danielle laporte says,

‘soft squishy heart, big fucking fence”