The journey to being a healthy adult is realising that you are not just your 30 or 40, 50 year old self (or whatever age you are right now) but more like a babushka doll.
Every year you’ve lived before exists inside of you right now all the way down to your new born self.
Each version holds different memories, needs, behaviours and expressions. Each one makes up who you are, how you behave, what you believe, the decisions you make right now.
The health of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally begins with this awareness.
Like when you feel really insecure around the opposite sex, it’s not you now but your 15 year old self who got rejected in high school for being ugly.
Or when you get really fucking angry when your partner vagues out for a moment, it’s your 4 year old who never felt heard by your father.
When your stomach goes into knots at the thought of speaking in public it’s your 10 year old that used to stutter and get laughed at.
Your inability to take care of yourself and eat well is your newborn that never got breastfed.
Your low level anxiety you experience is that you weren’t held enough as a baby.
Your shitty behaviours run deep and the study of Epigenetics is now showing us that our actions can stem even further back than our own life but even into our ancestry. (i.e you hold not only your own dolls memories but your mothers and her mothers and her mothers too – farrrk!)
However deep you want to go, this awareness is the key to being a functional grown ass person.
You can totally heal these parts of you and these behaviours, with therapy, support, with clearing and other healing modalities and even just your own awareness.
Exploring which babushka doll your reactional behaviour is coming from is where it begins.
Being a healthy adult looks like being able to see yourself as the babushka and when you crack yourself open and look at each doll inside; from last years down to your tiny baby self – each one feels safe, acknowledged, heard, loved and understood.
Each one is content and chilled.
If instead there are dolls totally missing, like if you cant remember whole chunks of your childhood. Or you see your 5 year old one is crying and sad about daddy leaving. Or one from a few years ago is still fucked up and mad about what your ex did.
You can be sure there are deeply held traumas and pain that need to be worked on and will be fucking with your life right now.
The journey to adulthood is about essentially about cleaning this shit up. Being your own mother. being your own father, your own safe, loving, parent and partner and healing the past so each one of your selves feels cared for by you.
I love the quote. ‘Its not our fault what happened to us, but it is our responsibility to heal it’
It’s your responsibility to be the grown ass adult and feed your baby, to give it regular meals and healthy bedtimes.
It’s your responsibility to let your 15 year old self know that it is loved and beautiful just as it is.
It’s your responsibility to seek out regular touch and connection, to assure your little ones that you’ve got their back and are always listening. To let them they can do ANYTHING and even if they do nothing they are STILL loved.
I know it’s scary. It hurts. It’s terrifying to go back to our memories and feel the shit that wasn’t so pleasant.
that’s why many never do it.
But the other option is painful relationship dynamics, hurting yourself and each other, mental breakdowns, unexplained illness, addictions and all the rest.
The other option is keep playing victim to your life, keep being reactive and trapped, anxious, disempowered and depressed and wondering why it’s all so hard.
So get the support, dive in deep, crack yourself open and take a look.
Get honest with yourself.
Don’t let the pains of the past, muddy and poison who you could be now.
Become a grown ass healthy person.
DO THE WORK.